he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
