I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Randomize
