i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
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