Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
