sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
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