am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
