why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
