I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
