i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Alive.
So much puke
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
