does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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