yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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