I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Randomize
