Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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