Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
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But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
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I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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