I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
