Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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