I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
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