Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
