I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
This gyro tastes like lonliness
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
