Are we in a gay sports bar?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
