i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
