we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
