...so i touched it.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
