420 ftw
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Randomize
