The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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