My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
