Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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