Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Randomize
