My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I have fence marks all over my body
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
