I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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