idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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