I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
