i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
