did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
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I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
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Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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