I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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