Got a toothbrush?
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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