i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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