In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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