does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
