I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
