It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
