We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
