Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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