There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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