areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I faked an abortion last night.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
