I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize