yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
