Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
My thoughts exactly.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants