your thong is hanging out like whoa
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.