We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now