he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.