gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Randomize
