Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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