i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?