I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.