are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
