I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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