so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
