Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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