Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Randomize
