I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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