if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
