Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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