nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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