Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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