I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I smell like Dick and happiness
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
