I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Randomize