My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
