sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
