we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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