I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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