i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Randomize
