My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
