Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I feel great
I just peed on a car
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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