Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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